Usual crazy thoughts

Day number 6

I’ve had tooth ache now for just short of a week and I’m loosing the will to live. I’ve started to think if I took all my own teeth out with a pair of mouldy tweezers it wouldn’t hurt this much. I’ve got an infection in my gum all down the right side of my face. Even my jaw is hurting down to the bone. I went to bed last night about 9.30pm and the last time I saw the clock it was 4.45am this morning. Sat up crying about the pain and all the things going off in my head.
I’ve got my appointment at Weston park on Thursday and I’m dreading what they are going to say. This is my results from the MRI scan I had a few weeks back. I think every one else can tell there is something wrong to by the way I’ve been acting. I can’t help but push people away and turn myself into isolation, I find it a coping mechanism to stop hurting other people and so I’m not crying all the time. I’m going into the unknown again. I’m going right back into my worst nightmare.
Just to add, I’ve also weighed myself this morning and I’m not happy. 10:12lbs it said I was. Since October I’ve added 12lbs to my weight and it’s making me feel like it’s 12 stone. I need to fall in love with myself again before I go on holiday in may. I want to feel like I can work a bikini not that everyone will think I’ve been harpooned.

Move more, eat less. Worry none.

Yeah right!

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